Forgive ~ part III

it did backfire. not quite unexpectedly, but i guess one (i?) never stops hoping. i tried, at least i can say that. i feel abysmally stupid for even trying now, what did i think i'd accomplish? and it hurts, it's like being pushed under water and not given the chance to stock up on oxygen. being stabbed. strangled, rather. no other way to put it, unfortunately. it took a while to get to this point, to be able to forgive and try to give some relief to who had asked for forgiveness. i was so stupid to really, honestly, deeply think it was the right thing to do, that it was an act of civility to offer forgiveness, to offer a hand, that it was morally right. and what did i get? venom, recrimination, accusations, anger, jealousy, hatred.

then what's the point? now all this has accomplished is that it made me regret doing what i thought was right. made me regret trying. made me regret being what i am. and what is the point in trying to do well by people, in trying to be a decent human being, if all it brings is pain?

will i ever stop being so naive?