on days like today i feel like such a waste of space and oxygen...

little girl, crying alone on the grass... i feel your pain.

some days

some days you wake up early, not quite rested, and can't go back to sleep. thoughts start flowing into your brain against your will, seeping like a poisonous oil that prevents you from closing your eyes and drift back into safety, into numbness. thoughts that make you realize, clear as day, like a slap on the face, what is going on, what you have been trying to avoid, what you do not want to see. thoughts that answer the call for the sign you have been waiting for. that clarity that has the uncanny, unwelcome ability to ruin days, if not weeks, at a time.

wake up call.

is it time to go?

not like anybody would notice. or care.

finally~

i always knew i was a night owl, that my brain works much better at night, in silence, away from the distraction of daylight life... it had been a long, long time since i last experienced the bliss of a) understanding, let alone b) agreeing with a scholarly piece of writing, and c) finding the inspiration to write scholarly pieces myself.

tonight, i can go to bed happy, having found:

a) an article i like, well-written, concise, to the point, clear;

b) a way to tie together my dissertation proposal;

c) an authoritative voice to help me in my battle against those who believe that translation is easy, unimportant, and unrelated to the field of comparative literature (more people than i thought, sadly...)

d) a nice incipit for the dissertation.

[and as a side note, e) produced a few pages to get the editor off my back for a couple more days]

oh joy... heh, it's a small thing, but i'll indulge in the happy moment :)

bring on the wonder

some of us

some of us laugh

some of us cry

some of us smoke

some of us lie

but it's all just the way

that we cope with our lives

?

what's worse: knowing i've been lied to, or pretending i don't know about it?

...

i tried.
and failed.
again.