Sorry... to myself

For hearing all my doubts so selectively and
For continuing my numbing love endlessly
For helping you and myself: not even considering
For beating myself up and over functioning

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me

For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
For my self love being so embarrassingly conditional and
For denying myself to somehow make us compatible and
For trying to fit a rectangle into a ball

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me

I'm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I am sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody else

For blaming myself for your unhappiness and
For my impatience when I was perfect where I was
Ignoring all the signs that I was not ready and
Expecting myself to be where you wanted me to be

To whom do I owe the first apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me

And I'm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody else

Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest?
Forgetting you or forgetting myself...
Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter
I would've naturally loved the former

For ignoring you: my highest voices
For smiling when my strife was all too obvious
For being so disassociated from my body and
For not letting go when it would've been the kindest thing

To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me

And I'm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody else
I'm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else
I'm sorry to myself
For treating me worse than I would anybody else

(Alanis Morissette)