And isn't it ironic? Don't you think?

I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors,
but I think that God's got a sick sense of humor
and when I die I expect to find him laughing
(Depeche Mode)

It's been happening quite a lot lately, that I ask myself where have I gone wrong. What have I done wrong. I assume that everybody, at some point, has had some dreams, some goals, or just some smaller, inconsequential desires as far as her/his life is concerned. I find myself wondering whether there is a predetermined number of wishes we are allowed throughout a given period of time. Let's say, this month I have behaved in a good way, so I earned 2 wishes. The previous month I was a mean spirited *****, so no freebies for me. Heaven forbid you waste your precious wishes on something like - please, let the light turn green 'cause I'm late for class.

And the irony of things, and how they happen right when you least expect them to. Murphy's Law: if something can go wrong, it most certainly will. Small things, granted, but they do make your day worse, more frustrating, a little harder to get through. Right when you see the light, when you see that one of your most cherished dreams, the one you've had for years now, can come true and you start peeping through the keyhole of the door separating you from a potential future... SLAM. There goes the door right on the tip of your nose. And when that happens, the last thing people want to hear is "oh, I know it's hard, but don't worry, it's for the greater good, maybe it wasn't supposed to be." This is something you get to when your emotions and your bruised ego have recovered a bit; you get to that acceptance point through your rationality, which of course is nowhere to be found in the aftermath of a moral defeat. And man it takes a long time...

I am not denying the existence of a Greater Being, somehwere out there, leading us on a path, although I am quite fond of my free will. I just very selfishly wish it were a bit more understanding at times... I just wish things started getting a bit better, that when I need a knife I DO get a knife, and not ten thousand spoons...

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out
When you think everything's gone wrong
And everything blows up in your face
A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic... don't you think?
(Alanis Morissette)