Dec 31, 2009

hopeful new year

just like it started, it's about to end.
in solitude.
and i'm here, in my room, alone with a nice bottle of champagne. alone with chocolate pudding, made for no reason. alone with your favorite chocolates.
once again, i lost.
if not to someone else you'd rather be with, to something else you'd rather do.
lost the job opportunity i thought i had.
not good enough, for anybody, or anything, i guess.
i want to lose the ability to care.


things could have been different, with company, conversation, laughter.
support.
would have been different, if i hadn't chosen to protect you.
priorities.
could have been different, if.
wishful thinking.


but alas.
one more sip.
one more smoke.
they help to cope with the loneliness.


this is the end, beautiful friend.
this is the end, my only friend.
the end.


3...
2...
1...


gone.

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