hopeful new year

just like it started, it's about to end.

in solitude.

and i'm here, in my room, alone with a nice bottle of champagne. alone with chocolate pudding, made for no reason. alone with your favorite chocolates.

once again, i lost.

if not to someone else you'd rather be with, to something else you'd rather do.

lost the job opportunity i thought i had.

not good enough, for anybody, or anything, i guess.

i want to lose the ability to care.

things could have been different, with company, conversation, laughter.

support.

would have been different, if i hadn't chosen to protect you.

priorities.

could have been different, if.

wishful thinking.

but alas.

one more sip.

one more smoke.
they help to cope with the loneliness.

this is the end, beautiful friend.

this is the end, my only friend.

the end.

3...

2...

1...

gone.

disappointments are inevitable;

misery is optional.

Prayer

do not stand at my grave and weep;

i am not there, i do not sleep.

i am a thousand winds that blow.

i am the diamond glints on snow.

i am the sunlight on ripened grain.

i am the gentle autumn rain.

when you awaken in the morning's hush

i am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

i am the soft starts that shine at night.

do not stand at my grave and cry;

i am not there, i did not die.

[12/9/96-12/9/09]