~ Hypothetical Oblivion, Manifest Estrangement ~

does it ever go away? that feeling of never belonging anywhere, of not having roots long enough to build stable relationships with people? of feeling that, when absent, the world moves on almost at twice the speed, and when the time comes to jump back on to the carousel, well, it's just spinning too fast and you’re left on the ground, watching?

the uncomfortable sensation of lingering ignorance, the inability to follow apparently simple discourses for lack of knowledge of key fact that occurred at a time of absence. sitting quietly, silently trying to connect severed threads (oh red thread, where art thou?), hiding the throat-clutching feeling that wets the ‘lids, the heaviness of the brick sitting on your stomach, behind a bright smile.

it’s like feeling unneeded, unnecessary, disposable, replaceable, easily forgotten, lost in the oblivion of the memory span of a fruit-fly.

it’s like feeling
foreign