If I could sit with you, if I could talk to you, if I could bring myself to look at you in the eyes without feeling the throbbing of the knife still comfortably lodged in my chest, I really don't know where I'd start from. There are just too many questions, too many unanswered uncertainties, and I know I'd open my mouth, attempt to speak, and the words would die in my mouth, sucked back down the throat by the grabbing, blood-soaked claws of pain swallowed for way too long.
I'd ask you why.
I'd ask you if caring about me really has to be so damn hard.
I'd ask you if your fear is so overwhelming that it can wipe away any attachment to me.
I'd ask you why you were never there to dry my tears.
I'd ask you if you ever even saw my tears.
Or heard my cries.
I'd tell you that, in spite of the pain, constant and piercing, I am unable to sever the invisible rope that ties me to you.
I'd tell you that there's not a single day in which I don't think of you, pray for your safety, or your happiness.
I'd tell you that there's not a single day in which I don't imagine your smile, hear the crisp, deep, familiar sound of your voice, see the shape of your hands.
When're you gonna love you as much as I do?
When're you gonna make up your mind?
'Cause things are gonna change so fast
I'd ask you if you ever think about me.
I'd ask you if I ever cross your mind at night, before you fall asleep.
I'd ask you if I ever cross your mind in the morning, when you wake up.
I'd ask you if you'll ever share your secrets with me, let me in, instead of locking me out.
I'd ask you if you ever miss me.
I'd tell you that so many songs speak to me about you.
I'd tell you that many times I wanted to call you, just to hear your voice.
I'd tell you about my fears, and dreams, and random thoughts that never find their space on a page.
I'd tell you that your indifference tears me into pieces.
Every day a bit more.
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry.
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