For Travis

I wish I had spent more time with you.
I wish someone could have seen through your eyes, what was going on inside of you.
I wish I had known.
I wish someone had have saved you.
Goodbye, my friend.
May you now have found the peace you couldn't find down here.

24

Been given 24 hours
To tie up loose ends
To make amends
His eyes said it all
I started to fall
And the silence deafened
Head spinning round
No time to sit down
Just wanted to
Run and run and run
Be careful they say
Don't wish life away,
Now I've one day

And I can't believe
How I've been wasting my time

In 24 hours they'll be
Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please do it for me

Is there a heaven a hell
And will I come back
Who can tell
Now I can see
What matters to me
It's as clear as crystal
The places I've been
The people I've seen
Plans that I made
Start to fade
The sun's setting gold
Thought I would grow old,
It wasn't to be

And I can't believe
How I've been wasting my time

In 18 hours they'll be
Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please do it for me

In 13 hours they'll be
Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please do it for me

I'm not alone, I sense it, I sense it
All that I said, I meant it, I meant it

And I can't believe
How much I've wasted my time

In just 8 hours they'll be
Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please do it for me

In just 1 hour they'll be
Laying flowers
On my life, it's over tonight
I'm not messing no I
Need your blessing
And your promise to live free
Please doit for me

(Jem, "24")

A helping hand

Today I heard someone say that every time we help someone, even with our best intentions, we are giving a clear display of selfishness. This person maintained that any kind of help we give to a fellow human being is dictated by the need for us to feel better, to satisfy our inner need to self-realization in something - namely, in performing a good action.
Is it true? Is the intention to help someone else always dictated by our selfishness? Can it be argued that we help other people because we like to help, we like to be there for other people, and we do not have a hidden agenda about it?
Can it be that our willingness to help is actually a display of selflessness? Doesn't it show that we are not self-centered, self-obsessed beings who are unable to consider any other problems but our own?
I refuse to believe that, when someone helps me with something, they are doing so because it makes them feel better. Just as much as when I help someone, or do something nice for them, I don't want them to think that I do so to satisfy my own need for recognition. As a matter of fact, a few times I helped friends in ways that put me in danger, or that did not benefit me at all; in fact, quite the contrary. But that was a long time ago.
Probably I feel so upset because this is the way I was brought up - with the idea that you never refuse help to anyone (and yes, so many people have taken advantage of my inability to say no).
Is the happiness I get from seeing someone smile really a proof of my selfishness? Have I lived a delusion for the best part of my - albeit short - life?

Let me...

Let me run barefoot on a field of grass, under a blue sky sprinkled with puffy white clouds.
Let me enjoy the warm spring sun.
Let me find a dandelion. Let me pick it, make a wish, and blow away its petals.
Let me turn around and see you, looking at me, your eyes in mine.
Let me reach for your hand. Let me hold it.
Let me have my dream.

Smoke

If I could I would be smoke
And I’d float myself out of here
And I’d go wherever you are
And I’d never have to be too far from here
And I’d linger in your fingers
A transparent shade of gray
And watch as you watch me
Slowly fade away
Into the night
Where are you when I need you by my side?

Shouldn’t it be that easy
To just be happy for a while
Get lost in a moment
Wasting time trading smiles
Shouldn’t it be that easy
To just be happy for a while
Come on won’t you waste my time
Baby waste my time
Won’t you waste all my time

Things are never what they seem
Lately you’re all I dream
Well I’m running but I’m not getting anywhere and
Do you even care?

Shouldn’t it be that easy
To just be happy for a while
Get lost in a moment
Wasting time trading smiles

Shouldn’t it be that easy
To just be happy for a while
Come on won’t you waste my time
baby waste my time
Won’t you waste all my time
C’mon and waste all my time

I’m just trying to find my way
Between the glitter and the gray
Baby I just want some time with you
And I swear this time I’ll make it through well well

Shouldn’t it be that easy
To just be happy for a while
Get lost in a moment
Wasting time trading smiles

Shouldn’t it be that easy
To just be happy for a while
Come on won’t you waste my time
baby waste my time
Won’t you waste all my time
C’mon and waste all my time

(Tristan Prettyman, Smoke)

A cheesy moment of self-appreciation

Time and tide wait for no man,
but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
(Robert Frost)

Happy birthday to me!

... Jan 1, 2006

And here it's where it starts all over again.

New Year's resolutions or not, I'll do my best to be a better person, to be nice, generous, considerate, open-minded, hard-working, loving, compassionate, understanding.

And, if possible, happy.

Best of luck to all of you out there.

Much love.