May 30, 2009

don't know

don't know how to react anymore, or what to say. asked to understand and accept something that is never explained. asked to keep doing something that is always turned down. asked to quit doing something only to be berated later for having stopped. offer unconditional friendship and love, only to be told there's nobody who cares.


a tiny vessel full of questions in a silent sea. must be a bad friend for being replaced so easily and quickly, for being second choice when not third or fourth. for being so easy to let down and leave aside without remorse or second thoughts.

i'll go back on the shelf now, gathering dust til next time you decide you need me.

May 24, 2009

wings


- we can have anything!
- no, we can't. we can aspire to anything, but we don't get it just because we want it... i'd rather spend my life close to the birds rather than waste it wishing i had wings...

May 23, 2009

one liner

i: [quizzical] "a.f.i.?"

n: [matter-of-factly] "a fire inside"
i: [puzzled] "i don't understand, how can you have a fire inside?"
a: [grinning] "that's because you only talk to her"

that's right.

May 17, 2009

i can stand to be humbled. i can stand to be hurt.

but i can't stand to be humiliated.

Apr 12, 2009

have you seen that girl




have you seen that girl

that everybody says i used to be
have you seen that girl
where along the way did i lose me?

[l.a.w.]



[photo by sdq]

Apr 6, 2009

angel

people like you are the reason people (like me) still have some faith in humanity.
thank you.
and bless your kind, generous heart.
le diga, por favor, que dios le bendiga, que es nuestro angel.
tonight, you're mine, too.

Apr 4, 2009

speeding cars


here's the day you hoped would never come / don't feed me violins, just run with me through rows of speeding cars / the papercuts, the cheating lovers / the coffee's never strong enough / i know you think it's more than just bad luck / there, there, baby, it's just textbook stuff / it's in the ABC of growing up / now, now, darlin', oh don't lose your head / 'cause none of us were angels...

Apr 2, 2009

now what?

i've become that person. the one i feared i would become, years ago.

i need a me, for me. the one i wish i had had, years ago.
now what?

Mar 22, 2009

they'll never know

and i’m talking to myself at night
because i can’t forget
back and forth through my mind
behind a cigarette
and the message coming from my eyes
says leave it alone

[TWS]


Mar 17, 2009

i wasn't here

i wrote stories
i told dreams
i dreamt of wars
where did i die?

at page 200?
at 3 am?
at the outskirts of kabul?
who buried me?

the reader's hand?
my wife's caress?
the enemy's bulldozer?
when will i be born again?

in the next chapter?
with sunrise reveille?
in the spring weeds?
will you recognize me?

i'll speak to you between the lines
i'll touch you lightly in your sleep
i'll give you my weapons
will you remember me?

i wrote stories
i told dreams
i dreamt of wars
when was i alive?

when i wasn't writing
when i wasn't dreaming
when i wasn't dying
when i wasn't here

[gabriele romagnoli ~ http://tinyurl.com/cq376k]

Mar 10, 2009

this is the marriage of silence and love

asked for a sign for yes or no
got three
one louder than the other
be careful what you wish for?

between the lines of fear and blame

what are you willing to do
to protect?

had i known how to save a life

[whose?]

fingers bleed in picking up pieces of what's left
words written or said
never heard
never read

ignorance
is
bliss

hide behind the curtain to play the needed tricks
detangling the knots
never known
never seen

speak now, or forever hold your breath.
if you do, you know where i lay.

Mar 4, 2009

got keys?

the human heart has hidden treasures,
in secret kept, in silence sealed;
the thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,
whose charms were broken if revealed.
[charlotte bronte]

i put a lock on my heart to guard an infinite abyss...

Feb 26, 2009

oltre alla beffa, il danno

e' gia' difficile di per se' venire a sapere di non essere il miglior amico di qualcuno via FB o posts sul blog, senza che sia necessario anche vederselo sbattere in faccia.

davvero mi chiedo cos'ho fatto di male...

Feb 24, 2009

do we speak the same language here?

i guess the message didn't go through the first time around.
or maybe it's me, my weakness, my hatred for confrontation. i let you patronize me; i tried to forget and let it go, and what i get in return is condescension. you do know how to crush with carefully selected words, arranged neatly to underline your moral superiority.
things will really never be the same again. you came like a hurricane. go ahead, take it, it's all yours. enjoy. but spare me the act.
no wonder i don't trust women.

Feb 23, 2009

name your price


i'll trade you

my dream
for someone else's

Feb 20, 2009

too late


there's no turning back
too late's come and gone

(had i asked in time, would you have said yes?)

Feb 19, 2009

lives

one taken
one given
i'm sorry
congrats
next time
be happy
i know
i won't

Feb 16, 2009

double-edged sword

"oh, don't worry. if you need help, call her. she's always willing to help."


i know it's what i do.
it's what i want to do.
so why did that make me feel so cheap?
but being ignored makes me feel even cheaper.

Feb 14, 2009

شکریہ

for being you~

2/14,1210-2

Feb 4, 2009

come to the ivory tower, we have cookies

"For all its claims to the contrary, graduate education does not seem to enhance the mental freedom of many students, some of whom are psychologically damaged by the experience. As Newhouse suggested -- perhaps more rhetorically than seriously -- graduate school these days seems to have a lot in common with mind-control cults."

[http://chronicle.com/jobs/news/2004/06/2004062801c.htm]

Feb 1, 2009

safer


wasted time building castles with sand
and every night i'll watch them fall and slip through my hand

and just when i think i'm on top i wonder how i'll get back down
and just then the moment is lost, i stumble and i hit the ground

Jan 28, 2009

Jan 21, 2009

tears from the moon


couldn't sleep so i went out walking
thinking about you and hearing us talking
and all the things i should have said
echo now inside my head

Jan 18, 2009

weary

of being a plan b.
of being a regret.

Jan 14, 2009

it comes and it goes

some days i wanna and some days i don't / sometimes i can feel it and suddenly it's gone / some days i can tell you the truth and some days i just don't / only a change of mood, sun goes down / someone says something too quick or too soon / a touch not made, one made too late / armies of words cannot hope to contain / then it comes and it goes / and i have no control / some days i can think clear and some days i won't / sometimes i can feel it and suddenly it's gone / some days i am strong and some days my skin's broken and thin / that's when it feels and it takes what it needs / and it leaves before i get to know, it's only a step away / moments that armies of words cannot hope to contain / then it comes and it goes / and i can't make it home / and there's nothing at home / and it breaks me when it goes...

this way, please




welcome back

dancing in the dark




you can't start a fire
you can't start a fire without a spark

Jan 11, 2009

... --- ...

-.-. --- -- . / .... . .-. . --..-- / .-.. . - / -- . / .... --- .-.. -.. / -.-- --- ..- --..-- / ... .. -- .--. .-.. -.-- --..-- / --.- ..- .. . - .-.. -.-- --..-- / ... .. .-.. . -. - .-.. -.-- / .... --- .-.. -.. / -.-- --- ..- --..-- / -.- . . .--. / -.-- --- ..- / ... .- ..-. . .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- / .-.. . - / -- . / - .-. -.-- / - --- / -- .- -.- . / .. - / --. --- / .- .-- .- -.-- .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.-

Jan 7, 2009

Dec 31, 2008

stop

stop to pain and heartache, to sadness and tears.
do not cross with me into the new year.

stop to pettiness, lies, anger, fear, secrets, painful silences, discomfort, impatience, selfishness, lovelessness, misplaced trust, deceit, backstabbing, inconstant friendships, blindness.

stop to crushed dreams and hopes; stop to loneliness and abandonment; stop to opportunism and falseness.

stop. do not cross with me into the new year. i've had enough of you. you brought me to my knees, and others to theirs. i beg forgiveness if i failed to protect and save those i care about. i hope i paid my debt.

as of today, i've been here 3 times over the break, and for the 3rd time i'll be alone.

~ it's been a long december, and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last ~

to all of you out there:

be loved.
be happy.
be safe.

farewell~

the heart asks pleasure first-the promise/the sacrifice


the heart asks pleasure first
and then, excuse from pain-
and then, those little anodynes
that deaden suffering;

and then, to go to sleep;
and then, if it should be
the will of its inquisitor,
the liberty to die.


[words by emily dickinson, music by michael nyman]

it's all the same...


... yet not quite so.


something's missing.

and its absence is louder than words.

Dec 23, 2008

vorrei avere il becco

vorrei avere il becco / per accontentarmi delle briciole / concentrato e molto attento / si, ma con la testa fra le nuvole / capire i sentimenti quando nascono e quando muoiono / perciò vorrei avere i sensi per sentire il pericolo / se tutti quanti lo sanno ma hanno paura che l'amore è un inganno [...] più o meno come fa un piccione / e mica come le persone che a causa dei particolari / mandano per aria sogni e grandi amori [...] noi però alla fine resteremo insieme / più o meno come fa un piccione / l'amore sopra il cornicione / ti starò vicino nei momenti di crisi / e lontano quando me lo chiedi / dimmi che ci credi / ci sveglieremo la mattina, due cuori sotto una campana...

Dec 14, 2008

como agua para chocolate

Mi abuela, Luz Del Amanecer, una india Kikapoo, decía que todos nacemos con una caja de fósforos en nuestro interior y que no los podemos encender nosotros solos. Necesitamos, como en este experimento, del oxígeno y de la ayuda de una vela. Sólo que en nuestro caso, el oxígeno debe provenir por ejemplo del aliento de la persona amada. La luz de la vela puede ser cualquier cosa, una melodía, una palabra, una caricia, un sonido. Algo que dispare el detonador y encienda una de las cerillas. Cada persona tiene entonces que descubrir cuáles son sus detonadores para poder vivir, ya que la combustión que se realiza al encenderse uno de ellos, es lo que nutre de energía al alma. Si no hay detonador para los fósforos entonces la caja de cerillas se humedece y ya nunca podremos encender uno solo de ellos. Si eso llega a pasar el alma huye de nuestro cuerpo, camina errante por las tinieblas más profundas tratando vanamente de encontrar alimento por sí misma, ignorante de que sólo el cuerpo que ha dejado inerme, lleno de frío, es el único que podría dárselo. Por eso hay que permanecer alejados de personas que tengan un aliento gélido. Su sola presencia podría apagar el fuego más intenso. Mientras más distancia tomemos de estas personas, será más fácil protegernos de su soplo. El alma desea integrarse al lugar donde proviene, dejando al cuerpo inerte. Hay muchas maneras de poner a secar una caja de cerillas húmeda. Se puede estar seguro que sí tiene remedio, claro que también es muy importante encender las cerillas una por una, ya que si por una intensa emoción llegamos a encender todas de un solo golpe, se produce un resplandor tan fuerte que aparece ante nuestros ojos un túnel, esplendoroso, que nos muestra el camino que olvidamos al nacer y que a la vez nos llama a reencontrar nuestro perdido origen divino.

Dec 13, 2008

heal for the honey

points of light
shootin' through the tree-stained vines
it draws me in
to catch a fistful of wind and chime
[...]
poised, unrefined
delicate and loosely lined
oh i am a dreamer
but i'll deny it til' the day i die

Dec 11, 2008

come se il mondo...

a volte mi manchi, e ancora fa male / sarebbe una balla se dicessi di no / ma alla terza bottiglia si diventa più saggi / il dolore lo sai prima o poi svanirà / e allora brindo alla vita e a ciò che ci porta / bevo agli amici, ai compagni, anche a me / in un'osteria calda tra le nebbie e la bassa / dove posso sentirmi quasi come se...

... come se il mondo finisse stanotte...

[per r.]

random rant

want to tell me a lie? want to give me an excuse?
better be a damn good one, either way.
i always find out.
1- if you're my student, makes you look just the more pathetic and self-entitled, and it only exponentially increases my annoyance with you.
2- if you're my friend, it just &%@$*$# hurts. and there's only a handful of things more emotionally exhausting than pretending to be none the wiser.

Dec 9, 2008

12


if there is a heaven
i know you're there

Nov 27, 2008

thankful for...

1. the strength to carry on
2. the certainty that night will come, and then morning, and then night...
3. forgiveness
4. ...

replaceable


replaceable
it's cynical
call me useless
just you wait
put me down
and call it fate

Nov 26, 2008

the end


this is the end
beautiful friend
this is the end
my only friend,
the end

Nov 24, 2008

circus lights


more light, more heat

are you asking me
to take you, hold you,
show you more
more light, more heat

if you're asking me
i'll be there,
when these circus lights go out

Nov 19, 2008

Nov 18, 2008

oggi è domani è oggi

... se anche noi, ogni tanto, ci ricordassimo che è giustappunto verso una fine comunque ingloriosa che corriamo, può darsi che passeremmo molto più tempo a mangiare dolcetti che invece dovremmo serbare, piuttosto che angustiarci l’oggi impedendoci di fare qualsiasi cosa in nome di un domani che non si capisce bene quand’è che arriverà (arriverà?).

[original here]

Nov 14, 2008

suo gân ~ part II

Paid ag ofni, dim ond deilen
Gura, gura ar y ddôr
Paid ag ofni, ton fach unig
Sua, sua ar lan y môr
Huna blentyn, nid oes yma
Ddim i roddi iti fraw
Gwena'n dawel yn fy mynwes
Ar yr engyl gwynion draw

Nov 13, 2008

suo gân



Breichiau mam sy'n dynn amdanat
Cariad mam sy dan fy mron

Ni cha' dim amharu'th gyntun

Ni wna undyn â thi gam

Nov 9, 2008

look no further

til death do us part



and even then
maybe not

remember the tinman



there are locks on the doors
and chains stretched across
all the entries to the inside
there's a gate and a fence
and bars to protect
from only God knows what lurks outside

Nov 5, 2008

vela/r/s/e



el cuarto de Tula, le cogiò candela
se quedò dormida y no apagò la vela...

this night

there are things/i have done/there's a place/i have gone
there's a beast/and i let it run/now it's running my way

[...]
so take this night/wrap it around me like a sheet
i know i'm not forgiven/but i need a place to sleep
so take this night/and lay me down on the street
i know i'm not forgiven/but i hope that i'll be given some peace

the marriage

Nov 4, 2008

fall

Nov 1, 2008

sitting on a platform

i could wait around all year...


should i...

should i...

... leave?

Oct 28, 2008

chasing pavements

should i give up
or should i just keep chasing pavements
even if it leads nowhere?

or would it be a waste
even if i knew my place
should i leave it there?

Aug 27, 2008

fallen

Waiting on an angel / One to carry me home / Hope you come to see me soon / Cause I don't want to go alone / Now angel won't you come by me / Angel hear my plea / Take my hand lift me up / So that I can fly with thee / And I'm waiting on an angel / And I know it won't be long / To find myself a resting place / In my angel's arms / So speak kind to a stranger / Cause you'll never know / It just might be an angel come / Knockin at your door / And I'm waiting on an angel / And I know it won't be long / To find myself a resting place / In my angel's arms / Waiting on an angel / One to carry me home / Hope you come to see me soon / Cause I don't want to go alone

Aug 21, 2008

Aug 20, 2008

history repeats itself.
14 years later, but still.
jump on the rollercoaster, this ride was paid in advance.

Aug 16, 2008

takes two to tango



now i send back letters from the wasteland home
where i slow dance to this romance on my own
it may be two to tango, but boy it's one to let go
it's just one to let go

Aug 10, 2008

shelter

When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella

Aug 7, 2008

i leave my bed unmade

i leave my bed unmade
every time i enter the room, someone different is making it
someone who stays for a while
sharing a word
or just a gaze
worth a million discourses
we speak the language of dreams
they come from distant days
wearing clothes weaved with tears
of abandonment and fear
they enter with the breeze of summer days
of a world that doesn't exist
the leftovers of dreamless nights
companions of fearless times
ghosts of long-gone days
they don't stay long (i wonder why)
but after all
they never leave

Jul 30, 2008

how much for a ride?

spinning carousel returns the same old horse again
ramble on and on, the thoughts that fill my head
sometimes i wake up, there's nothing there but emptiness
so i search myself for what there was to do

cause she was his lover, she was his friend / he was her everything, someone to depend / when she wakes up in the mornin', and all his things are gone / she looks into the mirror, thinkin' what did i do wrong? [...] everyday has its ups and downs, you think you're lost, you will be found / most of us want the same old things, someone to love, what it brings / i know it's hard, it gets tough sometimes, you gotta hold on, like a carousel / going around and around and around and around...

Jul 15, 2008