4, 1, less than 3

sometimes i still think i'm dreaming :D

the extraordinariness of an ordinary day

i've been going back and forth in my head about the meaning of wedding days, given that my own is approaching at fast pace. i have been trying to figure out why they are considered such a big deal, when it's, after all, a celebration that lasts the allotted time of the ceremony, and the time spent eating at the restaurant.

i always believed that what really mattered, in the realm of marriage, was finding out that the person you love has mutual feelings for you and, like you, wants to embark on the path of a shared life. i thought that, more than the wedding per se, what mattered was the marriage, intended as the everyday life that follows the ceremony. shouldn't that be celebrated instead?

maybe it's because i don't particularly like the flow of cash that usually goes into such celebration. i can't stop thinking how many people could be fed with the money one pays for a wedding dress, for instance. or the flower arrangements, let alone the catering, the cake and, yes, the wedding bands.

granted, i've been part of the planning of a fairly simple ceremony and reception combo, without the pomp and circumstance of some other weddings i have witnessed either in person or in photograph. i know we tried to boil it down to the essential, and i am satisfied with the outcome (at least i am on paper - in practice, i'll find out soon enough). we managed to have nice, colorful clothes, very pretty rings, good food, without breaking the bank.

but

organizing a wedding is not just the undoubtedly fun part of choosing what to wear and look for the shoes to match. it involves the much less fun part of having to tell parents and relatives that you have decided to get married; the even less fun part of finding a place where the ceremony can take place and the restaurant where you can feed your guests; and the least fun part of deciding who to invite and who to, unfortunately but inevitably, leave out (whether for lack of space or low degree of acquaintance, but that's another story altogether).

none of the above has been easy. and i'm not saying just from the logistics point of view. it has been a nightmare from the emotional point of view, a roller coaster worthy of the most cringing vomit-related tales. and i'm speaking for myself here because i can only account for what i felt on my own skin. distance, ostracism, rejection, prejudice, close-mindedness, fear, avoidance, mistrust, disorganization, miscommunication, jealousy, secrecy, absence, silence. all of these uninvited guests have been tossed into the mix, in various degrees according to the day, and each had its chance to shine for longer than the proverbial 15 minutes.

maybe this is the real reason why i'm probably not enjoying this process as (i'm told) i'm supposed to. people tell me it's supposed to be the best time of my life, leading to the most important day of my life. what i feel, in turn is that i'm going though one of the most stressful periods i've ever been through (matched in stress level only by studying for qualifying examinations for the doctoral degree). i dread the daily chance of something going wrong, in perfect murphy's law fashion, leading to a day that, with all due respect, pales in comparison to the day i found out that my feelings were reciprocated. that was, so far, the best day of my life. now i can't wait until the whole 'show' is over, so i can finally start what i believe will be the best time of my life.

less than three

and less than 10~~~

ugh

if the beginning of this year is a sign of how the rest is going to go, put me to sleep now and wake me up next year.

thank you

someday, unexpectedly, you are given a reason to be thankful.

thankful that someone up there protected someone down here, and that you didn't lose the most important person in your life.

if i knew how to pray, i would.

but i think - i hope - that my immense gratitude will do. for now.

joy

it wasn't in my head~~~

rip it like a band-aid

'the truth will set you free'

so why do i feel dead inside right now?

heartbreak warfare

just a clown you can laugh with...

sana sanita, colita de rana...

... si no sana hoy, sanará mañana.

or at least that's what they say. but time, and apparently geography, don't help. nice quotes and all, but in the end, it's always a lost battle.

there's no worse deaf than the one who doesn't want to listen.

or maybe i should just grow a pair and speak up.

you. yes, you. can you hear me?

what can i say

could have had it all.

within arm's reach.

all they all talk about.

just had to ask.

just had to want it.

the problem isn't that you didn't want it.

what's worse is that you didn't even care about it.

fml

i should not attend weddings. virtually, or otherwise. ack.

4

yes, size 4, i miss you too. we'll meet again. hopefully. soon.

the day you read this

airplanes

can we pretend that airplanes

in the night sky

are like shooting stars

i could really use a wish right now

[…]

and when your plans unravel in the sand

what would you wish for, if you had one chance?

[…]

so here i stand

and then again i say

i'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes

now it's time you and i make a bet

i like you, you like me, that's obvious by now. so how about we spend the next 30 or 40 years together, and in the end, if we liked it, i win. if we didn't, you win.

[original here]

drink it in

how many days are left
? / and what to spend them on? / should i keep working / or sit and marvel at the sky? / 
i think about your skin, your fragile skin / the heaven of life we're living in

 / drink it in, drink it deep / i pray to life your soul to keep / drink it in, drink it in / pink clouds scatter / my heart beats clear / for all the hearts that i hold dear / drink it in, drink it deep / i pray to life your soul to keep / drink it in, drink it in / drink it in, drink it in...

bridge over troubled water

when you're weary / feeling small / when tears are in your eyes / i will dry them all / i'm on your side / when times get rough / and friends just can't be found / like a bridge over troubled water / i will lay me down / when you're down and out / when you're on the street / when evening falls so hard / i will comfort you / i'll take your part / when darkness comes / and pain is all around / like a bridge over troubled water / i will lay me down [...] if you need a friend / i'm sailing right behind / like a bridge over troubled water / i will ease your mind

one and the same

the need for love lies at the very basis of human existence. it results from the profound interdependence we all share with one another.

[hh dalai lama via twitter]

don't you know that when you sleep with someone, your body makes a promise whether you do or not?

[open your eyes]

what do we do...

... when we lose hope?